4 Comments
User's avatar
⭠ Return to thread
Tara Turner's avatar

While some, if not most, of what you say is true, I will counter with this: when I divorced my first husband (a “good” one), my household stress levels went down and my house was cleaner (even with a child). I think the expectation of help and not getting it is worse than no help at all.

Additionally, while the husband and kids might be fine if the wife is away for a short period of time, I promise those little concessions compound. Kid 2 wearing kid 1’s shoes might not be a big deal, but what about when kid 2 falls off the playset and breaks an arm because they tripped over shoes two sizes too big? What may seem like a small, inconsequential thing that mom knows (because she’s put in the time and carries the mental load of knowing what belongs to whom) becomes a big issue. Mom gets called anal or obsessive, but these things do matter. And they can’t be assessed after a short absence.

Expand full comment
Emily's Version's avatar

The expectation of help and not getting it is worse than no help at all. Yes.

Expand full comment
DalaiLana's avatar

for sure. When my husband is traveling for work I cheerfully clean the house top to bottom and then sit and enjoy it. Having someone scrolling on the couch while doing same is impossible to enjoy.

Expand full comment
Tara Turner's avatar

Do you live in my house? *looks around*

Expand full comment