I (male, het) am continually confused by this - in my life I have performed this duty often, and it has been exactly as unpleasant as I imagine it is for women. I don't think the men who say otherwise are lying, but I would like to understand them better.
I don't really know how to explain it better than the pizza analogy tbh. OK this isn't what I really want to be doing right now, but it's not awful or even particularly unpleasant. Just, maybe I was hoping to do something else. Then things get rolling and it's fine.
Not projecting this experience onto anyone else, just a vague gesture at my own (which sounds much more limited than yours).
I don't think they're anything remarkable! They just feel like what one would expect from first principles - you do it when the obligation gets too strong, you do it out of love, you try to kindle what faint spark there is and hope it'll grow as things get underway, etc etc. Happy to answer whatever questions you have, of course.
I think it's interesting that women with women feel this too. Seems like the relative historical vulnerability of women to men doesn't really explain that, and the ongoing physical threat of men (which might apply in the male-male case) also wouldn't apply.
I (male, het) am continually confused by this - in my life I have performed this duty often, and it has been exactly as unpleasant as I imagine it is for women. I don't think the men who say otherwise are lying, but I would like to understand them better.
I don't really know how to explain it better than the pizza analogy tbh. OK this isn't what I really want to be doing right now, but it's not awful or even particularly unpleasant. Just, maybe I was hoping to do something else. Then things get rolling and it's fine.
Not projecting this experience onto anyone else, just a vague gesture at my own (which sounds much more limited than yours).
That's actually very helpful and illuminating, thank you!
oh I find this fascinating actually and would love to hear more about your experience!
I don't think they're anything remarkable! They just feel like what one would expect from first principles - you do it when the obligation gets too strong, you do it out of love, you try to kindle what faint spark there is and hope it'll grow as things get underway, etc etc. Happy to answer whatever questions you have, of course.
I think it's interesting that women with women feel this too. Seems like the relative historical vulnerability of women to men doesn't really explain that, and the ongoing physical threat of men (which might apply in the male-male case) also wouldn't apply.
Sex isn’t as invasive for men as for women. That’s probably why it wasn’t a big deal to them.